- He/she strays from his predictable everyday behavior.
After spending time with someone for a number of months (or even years), you know their typical behavior. You know how they act in certain situations, and when they act differently you want an explanation — if not cheating, then something else real and tangible.
- He/she has unpredictable mood swings.
Being angry in an instant — or being overly nice — is a red flag. There’s no real reason for him/her to leave, so he/her has to create one. New activities, such as him/her going out all the time (but never mentions it until afterward) is a glaring example. If he was going somewhere and had no reason to hide it, he would most likely talk about it with you.
- He/she has a rapid change in weight or appearance.
Cheating men change physically. Their love handles disappear, their posture changes and their muscle tone/definition returns. It’s the body’s primal means of preparing for courtship — he’s readying himself to attract a mate.
In addition, cheating men start taking much better care of themselves and take a lot of pride in their appearance. He’s suddenly pressing his clothes, coifing his hair and shaving daily when he didn’t before, especially when leaving the house without you.
- He/she has an overnight change in musical taste.
There’s nothing wrong with trying new things. But when it’s out of the blue and he/she excludes you from the change, it’s a warning sign that something is amiss.
- He/she remembers things wrong or loses track of the details.
As he/she spends more time with both you and his/her mistress, the memories of his time spent with her and the memories of his time spent with you will start to blur together. Schedules get crossed and he/she won’t be able to keep track of where he was on any given day. The time he spent with another woman/man is entirely unaccounted for — often, with no explanation.
- He/she suddenly needs a lot of privacy.
To take time for one’s self is normal. But when it’s out of the normal pattern — or is more and more frequent — it’s a sign that something else is going on. Going into work early, leaving late, getting off the phone suddenly, and taking lots of private calls from a “relative” (mom, sister, someone untraceable) are also red flags.
- He/she has a drastic change in sexual appetite and style.
A sudden shift in what’s “regular” or familiar in bed — without discussing wanting something new — is a big warning sign of cheating. All the men I interviewed expressed experiencing a huge rush of testosterone, which manifested as a new confidence during sex. They felt strong, masculine, and virile — like every woman wanted them. Their egos were growing daily.
- He/She hides their financial history from you.
Most cheating men/ women will need an untraceable way to pay for things: gifts, meals, hotels, trips, etc. Reloadable credit cards, PayPal accounts, and eBay purchases are all great ways to hide large or frequent transactions. Definitely investigate large, random transfers or cash withdrawals.
- He/She has new “friends” at work and/or more work responsibilities.
Office affairs are very common, especially considering how much time we spend working together. He/she might mention his new “friend” to dispel any suspicions you have and if you pop in to the office unexpectedly, or he/she might even introduce you to his “coworker” to throw you off the scent. Follow your gut and pay attention to his other behaviors.
- He/She secretive with his technology.
Technology is now smarter and affairs have gone high-tech. A new password on his/her cell phone or computer, a change of password at your bank or cell phone company, or cell phones being “left in the car” were once valid signs of infidelity. The cell phone never leaves their side. They even take the phone to the restroom, where before they did not.
But now, cheaters fly under the radar by using technology to do their communication dirty work. Apps exist that allow text messages, online chat sessions and pictures to last for a certain amount of time (and then disappear). Pay attention to new email accounts and new apps being used on his/her cell phone.